Reckoning of Sorts

Do you ever feel like you need to do something or that you should be doing something but you don't know what? I feel that more often than I would like. If creates unnecessary feelings of anxiety. There is so much I want to do, so much I want out of life, but life, she keeps getting in the way. So many outside forces that want a piece of me, pulling me in so many different directions, even forcing me into necessary encounters, yes, but encounters I do not wish to be a part of. Yes, I am being intentionally vague, but I will say this, a lot has happened in my life over the last few weeks, encounters, events that have changed me. Tennyson's Ulysses is a part of all that he has met, and Walt Whitman is large, containing multitudes. I am so overwhelmed by what my life, my beliefs, even my personality has morphed into and the way others have reacted. I long for a peace I fear I will never find. Yeah, I know, that sounds depressing. Well, I like to think of it as poetic. No, you won't get more out of me than that. I am just not close enough to most people to make myself that vulnerable. Besides, what would I say? I couldn't put it into sufficient words if I wanted to. I know this: I have changed, a lot. But how should I see myself? Have I evolved, or does my current state signify a loss of progress? I don't even know what I'm talking about any more, if I ever did. That must mean it's time to sleep.