Mental Health

Almost no one, who is not close family, knows what I am about to reveal. It's not a secret. I mean, it's not like it's something I have tried to keep from people. The subject just rarely comes up. Several years ago about 10 or 11 years now), I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Now, before you start picturing me neurotically washing my hands over and over again or checking locked doors over and over again (okay, sometimes I do that), my condition is not that bad. My case is mild, but that does not mean it cannot disrupt aspects of my life, especially when I begin to obsess over certain things. I am a perfectionist. Now, a lot of people say that about themselves, but I am a little extreme in this area, hence my neurosis. The biggest problem can be my constant need to "fix things" or compensate for things that don't quite go the way I had hoped. I am not purposely trying to be vague, here; it's late, and I don't really want to take the time to get into specifics. However, I will say this: while I had an acceptable birthday despite some travel because I was able to spend all day with my family, my expectations for food and fun were not quite fulfilled to the degree I had hoped, mainly because of that unfortunate travel (Thing 2 had a previously scheduled visit to see a specialist out of town). What transpired was a day most people would be happy to have, but because I know the potential of great birthday food and fun from past experience, my mind forced an expectation that wouldn't allow my neurosis to accept anything less. In other words, my OCD derailed my birthday. I tried so hard to make up for what I thought was a lackluster day, that I actually made things worse, no where else but in my mind, but as I said, that is the problem: "The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven" (Paradise Lost I.254-55). I'm sure I will take the time to talk about this subject more in the future.